Wednesday, September 4, 2013

The final straw

Words cannot describe how upset I was just a mere hour ago. I couldn't find my fitbit. I knew I had it on earlier when I was running errands with mom, but I couldn't find it in my pocket when we were at church. I figured I accidentally left it in the jeans I was wearing earlier since I changed pants before we left. Nope, not there when I got home. Not in my chair, my purse, my computer bag. Not in my car, the key basket, or on my bed. I tore my room apart looking for it. Then I decided to go look in the car one more time.... and I found it. 
A moment of silence, please...
It must have fallen out of my pocket when we left for church and I backed over it. I barely made it into my bedroom before I started sobbing uncontrollably. See, I had already convinced myself Greg was going to be mad at me for losing it. Which, if you know G, you also know how ridiculous that is. He doesn't get mad at me. Frustrated? Yes. Annoyed? Of course! But mad? No. But I had already convinced myself that he was going to be MAD at me. Yelling and all kinds of bad things. So when I found it so completely busted, I just lost it. 

In the midst of my hysterics, I started questioning what was actually going on. Yes, I was upset over breaking my beloved fitbit, but it's just a toy, really. And I knew G wasn't actually going to be mad at me. It was an honest accident. So I prayed that God would help me calm down and figure out what was really going on. 

When I could breathe again, I finally realized that this was just the final straw in a long line of things that have been breaking my heart lately. None of them to do with Greg, Amy, or any other loved one. But still, my heart has been slowly cracking for the past 3 months and today was the day it finally fell apart. So I'm praying for God to help me find the road to putting things back together. 

There are some changes coming. I think for the better, and mostly I'm excited, but I think life is about to be different... hopefully soon. 

***As I logged on to my laptop to post this, I discovered that while the display is broken, my fitbit is still tracking my steps and syncing to the computer. That means I can still use it, I won't know how many steps I've taken til the end of the day. Whew! A bright spot!

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