This week I've been thinking a lot about cravings. When I really started thinking about what I crave, I was a little surprised to realize that it's not food. To be honest food probably wouldn't even make the Top 5 list of Things I Crave. I know, I know, what kind of over-weight, working-on-her-BMI girl doesn't crave food? But it's true. I like food, and I may temporarily really want a cheeseburger, hot wings, or ice cream, but it isn't what I crave. So, what do I crave? Recognition.
Over the past week I have come to realize that what I crave more than anything else is recognition. Please notice I didn't say fame. I don't want to be famous. I don't have dreams of everyone knowing my name. I just want to do a good job and be acknowledged for it. This is true at work, church, home, and in my relationships.
I have often been accused of being a people pleaser, and until recently I wold have agreed. However, in the past few days I have come to realize that's not exactly what's going on in my head. On the surface I'm sure it appears that I'm driven by the need to be liked... but if I'm being honest I don't really mind if people like me or not. That's not to say I don't want to be liked, I just understand that not everyone is going to be my friend. You don't have to be my friend to recognize that I am good at what I do. :-)
I don't need a lot of recognition. A nice word or a polite phrase is more than enough. So when does that turn in to a bad thing? Because it have been known to drive everything I do. When I don't get the recognition I think I deserve I get hurt, depressed, and angry. And sometimes when I do get the recognition I think I deserve, I can get prideful and arrogant.
So what's a girl to do? Pray. I ask God to help me take the blows and the praise in stride, not making too much of either. It's a process, but I think I'm making progress!